1. Remember that as a small group leader, you are a facilitator:
Your first inner response to
what is happening in group may be to be:
Resist the temptation and
chose to respond in more helpful ways by drawing the group’s members into
dialog with each other.
2. A leader must model vulnerability and hope
by the way you tell your story.
3. A leader must model responses to stories and invite others
to do the same.
Responses
are not more questions, or trite answers.
Pray that you can hear with your heart and respond from your heart. This is difficult but vital to bringing
truth and grace to the person who may be in shame over telling the story.
What
would you like to hear after telling your story? Is responding difficult for you?
4. A group leader must know how to process the here and now.
For
example, anger that is addressed and reflected upon, resolved and returned to
is a very productive experience. To
learn to use anger to look into the soul rather than run from it is a bonding
experience for a group. Things to process would include withholding, lack of
eye contact, tears, fear, staying in the head, being a spectator only. Steer the
group into the here and now by carefully watching what is taking place in the
group as far as facial, bodily and verbal responses. Then ask questions that will allow members to talk about what
they are seeing, feeling and thinking.
As the group matures, they will interact without the leaders who can
then sit back and watch until it is time to highlight, summarize or process
what is happening.
5. A leader's heart must be open to
enter the story of others, weeping with those who weep and rejoicing
with those who rejoice, grieving losses and applauding change. Invite others around the table to do the
same. Is it easier for you to weep or
to rejoice?
What would need to happen for
you to be able to do both?
6. Co-leaders are a team. No one is in charge of the other.
We have varying gifts, strengths and weaknesses. When possible, I will pair leaders who are
more experienced with those who are newer and have a different relational
style.
While
one leader is working, the other watches responses in the here and now. The
leaders can then lead the group to processes what is happening. The leaders should be able to summarize for
the group what has happened during their time.
For example, “The theme tonight was mothers who betrayed us. As you reflect on what has happened here,
what new insights do you have?” Or, “How have we betrayed others?”
What difficulties have you had
in the past working with a co-leader?
7. Co-leaders need to process together following a meeting
to have the opportunity to learn from each other about what they did that was
helpful and areas that need change. We provide a processing sheet for your
use. You can pray together about the
needs you see in group members and ask the Lord to move into people’s lives to
bring about hope, deeper faith and the ability to give and receive love.
8. Leaders model good boundaries that help people feel safe.
For
example, tell the group you will watch the time, making sure everyone gets a
chance to speak and give the group a 10 minutes warning that time is almost up.
Let
them know that you may do a time out in order to have a “teaching moment” or
redirect the flow if someone is taking too much time or has not spoken at
all.
Remind
them about the “no touching without permission” and tell the reason why.
We don’t want to rescue others
out of their pain, but rather enter it with them. It is all right to feel.
We won’t stop the tears.
Ask
permission the first few times to touch as in hugging.
What
boundaries do you think you need to be aware of as you are planning to lead?
9. We are to model what it means to love one another and provide a
community of grace. The question on
your mind and the prayer of your hearts needs to be. “What does it mean to love
this person and extend grace at this time?
This will require of you humility, patience and a dependence on the Lord
who is there to guide and to love through you.
10. Leaders need to pray with one another and
for one another: before and after group and silently during group. When appropriate pray in the group setting
not as a way to stop pain but to recognize are only source of power and change
being the Lord.